Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
