He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We are two peas in an std pod
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
