OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
