I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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