I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
