Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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