I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
