How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
