so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is Oprah even human
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
