I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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