i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
