you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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