I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Randomize
