I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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