i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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