Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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