Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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