Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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