Where did you get a picture of my penis
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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