I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
