So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
