I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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