she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
