he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
