make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
