Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
