I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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