Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
