in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
