the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
