Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
