I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is Oprah even human
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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