if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
