Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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