this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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