haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
