the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
