so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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