The maid of honor just puked.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
