i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
