MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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