I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
