he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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