she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my being single is dangerous.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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