God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
