dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
