There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize