I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
