I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I got chris browned last night
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
