I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
