But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
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