Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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