dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
