I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
