i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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